A Friend Indeed
by itsybitsyshelley
Summary: An AU ‘Skin’ aftermath. Friendships are tested as Abby struggles to cope with the repercussions of her kidnapping. Will she be able to deal with the ordeal? Or will it resurrect her more destructive tendencies?
1. Default Chapter

_A/N: A Post 'Skin' fic. Yep, another one! Just my little retaliation against all of the things we were cheated out on by the writers, the way they left that episode was really frustrating, oh the potential…_

_Anyway, this is the first of my stories that I have decided to inflict upon the world, so consider this a ready made excuse in case it's terrible… but any feedback would be most appreciated!_

_Summary: 'Skin' aftermath. This one is going in the glorious direction of A/U ness, ah! The freedom of fanfiction! _

_Friendships are tested as Abby struggles to cope with the repercussions of her kidnapping. Will she be able to deal with the ordeal? Or will it resurrect some of her more destructive tendencies? Suby friendship; Carby interaction…possible romance ;)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own ER, or any of the characters used in this story…but if anyone wants to give me a really nice gift…_

_Title: A Friend Indeed._

Prologue

Abby gazed numbly at the entrance to the ambulance bay. The SUV had long since disappeared, camouflaged by the blackness of the night. Waves of nausea cascaded over her body as her mind could only process a replay of their dark eyes, menace manifested itself where youthful innocence should have resided and the empty gratitude of Lil' C "thanks anyway" echoed in her ears.

She hadn't dared look behind her as they had driven off. Looking down the barrel of a gun wasn't something that she would want to experience twice in one night. Even now she expected to hear a shot ring out, aimed towards her. Scared. This was the only adjective that summed up the surge of emotions that she felt. She hated it. It denoted weakness, vulnerability, something she always thought so hard to avoid. Her bravado - so notoriously hard to crack, had proved unbreakable for so many, like they had been for Luka and especially for her best friend Susan. After last year Carter, Maggie and Eric had joined them, banished to the outer side of her walls of self-protection. Outside them where there was no chance that they could hurt her.

Now they were shattered into pieces, small ones at that. They had been broken. By two _boys_ and a gun, and what she feared most is that she would never get them back again.

She wanted to run. Run, to feel safety and warmth once more. To see the faces of friends and colleagues as reassurance that she was still here. The other part of her burned with humiliation. She was scared but she didn't want to be seen as weak. This part wanted to run in a completely different direction, away, far away. It wanted to forget, to pretend, to deny and carry on – preserving her bravado, keeping her carefully crafted facade of strength and be the Abby she knew so well, the Abby that others knew.

She didn't know if this would still be the case. The possibility caused fear to permeate right through to her core.

She felt a shiver escape her body; her tarnished scrubs providing the only protection against the hostile Chicago temperatures. This shook her out of her numb stillness, her thoughts and it gave way to an impulsive flighty movement. Instinct regained its control, winning victory in her inward battle and kicked in. Safety beckoned, she ran to it at a full run, ignoring the screaming fatigue that coursed through every part of her body.

Angry her sloppy staff, the incompetence of med students and the stress of being in charge of a busy ER was only the start of the list of Susan's distractions. The icing on that annoyingly metaphorical cake was the disappearance of Abby, or rather her 'walkout' during the middle of the shift. At first Susan was pissed at the immaturity of her intern and friend, but hours had now passed. Not even Abby was stubborn enough to not answer her phone, but no-one had been able to contact her, at home or on her cell. Susan also doubted that Abby would be as un-professional as to abandon her shift and the many patients that she had had under her care. Obviously she had been wrong.

As the night passed, anger had dissipated and had been replaced by anxiety. She had sent Neela home to her and Abby's apartment to see if she was there. Susan was worried, guilty and annoyed all at the same time and it had showed. Most of the ER staff were avoiding her like the plague. The residents were presenting their cases to Luka and Carter and she only communicated to her staff during the trauma cases which had steadily arrived throughout the evening.

'Abby is your friend.' She bitterly berated herself for her earlier actions as she contemplated calling Abby's apartment once more. 'God, reviewing _all_ her charts, some confidence you have got in your residents.' Although these thoughts overwhelmed her, a stubborn part of herself defended the reprimand she had subjected Abby to. It was this part that made Susan feel slightly sick. Suddenly in need of some air, she got up off of her chair and headed towards the doors.

"Dr Lewis?" A questioning voice called from behind her.

"Frank! I'm taking my break!" She shouted over her shoulder, "Page me if I'm needed, but if it's within the next fifteen minutes, my pager is going to end up in a place where nobody is going to want to retrieve it" She said, looking back towards him.

Frank tossed her a disdainful look, muttering quietly to a nearby Morris, "I'm starting to miss the Weaver era already" Susan, however, caught it all rolled her eyes, but the words carried a definite sting.

"Shut up Frank and Morris, shouldn't you be seeing some of those people that we refer to as _patients?_"

Susan turned on her heel, tossing her blonde hair behind her shoulder heading at a quick pace towards the ambulance bay, in dire need of a coffee or a punch bag.

The neon light hurt eyes that had been accustomed to darkness over the last few hours. However, the same light that burned to look at, causing headache to throb around her temples, promised safety. Her run was bringing her closer, instinct taking her to where she knew her ordeal could end, fearing the aftermath that the end could bring, and fearing that the end was only just the beginning.

Susan looked at her feet, not needing to look towards the well known route to her destination, The Jumbo Mart and looking forward to drowning or at least postponing her bad day in a steaming, caffeine filled beverage. Absorbed in her coffee filled reverie, she didn't see the small figure dashing toward her. Unaware, Susan stepped into the path of the figure and both collided in the ambulance bay.

Susan managed to stay upright. Shaken out of her daydream she grasped the figure, preventing her from falling to the floor. A pain shot through the side that had collided with this woman but her doctor mode took over straightaway.

"Are you..." Her intended question went unfinished as the figure turned to face her. "Abby?"

Fear rushed through Susan as her friend didn't respond. Abby looked down at the floor away from her own gaze. Susan removed her hand from Abby's arm as she steadied, regaining her footing. Susan noticed that her hand had gained a new, orange tinge. It was then that she looked at Abby properly, her stomach sunk and her breath caught at the sight.

Her hair was still in its twist, bedraggled chunks fell matted together around her face. Its dark colour emphasised her deathly pallor, ghost white apart from tear stains that drew lines in the dirt on her skin. Susan's eyes travelled downwards, regaining her nausea at the sight of Abby scrubs. Their green colour was saturated with red. The creases of her hands were encrusted with a tangerine stain that completely covered her lower arms until it gradually faded to spatters further on up. Her upper legs were covered by the stain too, and her knees were caked in mud.

Susan swallowed anxiously before she spoke again, "Abby?" Her friend began to shake softly, still avoiding her gaze.

"Abby, what happened?" Susan removed her coat and placed it around her shoulders, surprised that Abby willingly complied. Concern and fear shot thorough her; many situations ran through her mind, along with the hope that such fears were irrational and unfounded.

It didn't last long. Abby tried to shake the coat off of her shoulders, finding her voice again.

"No...need...need to finish, need to finish shift" Her speech was rapid and disjointed. She tried to push past the blonde woman in front of her.

"Abby..." Susan attempted, holding her arm gently to try and keep her there.

"Inside...Shift, got to change...change scrubs" She muttered wildly, Susan sensed her distress; she moved her hand from her arm, instead placing both gently on her shoulders, forcing the brunette to look at her. The sudden eye contact calmed her movements, and she became still and quiet once again.

"Abby, what happened?" Susan probed again. This time, Abby began shake uncontrollably, fresh tears escaped from her brown eyes, running along her already stained cheeks. Susan embraced her immediately, and it was just in time as Abby's legs began give way underneath her. Unable to keep them both upright, Susan slid them both gently to the floor.

"Can you please go inside and ask for a doctor, quickly!" Susan shouted to a passer-by who soon raced through the doors of County.

They sat in the ambulance bay, Abby leaning on her, with her head buried in her shoulder as sobs caused her body to convulse rapidly.

It was disconcerting to see Abby like this. She was strong, even when she didn't feel like it. Shortly after she met her, Abby had even coped with being assaulted by her neighbour, fairly well. Through all the things she had been through, her mother and brother's illness and her break-up with Carter she had never known Abby to be anything other than stoic. She usually dealt with her problems by throwing herself into work, ignoring the problem, whilst unwilling to accept someone to talk to or lean on. Although the two women were now close friends, she had found that Abby was willing to confide in her, on her terms, but she had never seen anything affect her this way. It was this that deepened her fear and worries the most.

"Susan?" Carter said breathlessly, having run out of the ambulance bay towards her. "Oh god" he said as he took in the sight of the two women. Abby was cradled like a baby in Susan's arms, sobbing uncontrollably against her shoulders. He saw that her green scrubs were stained with something that looked like _blood _and his stomach churned.

"What happened? Is she?" he asked in a tone of deep concern. He too was disconcerted at seeing her this way, knowing this woman as well as, and probably better than Susan did.

"I don't know yet, we just need to get her inside" Susan replied as Carter extricated Abby from her and easily scooped her up into his arms. One arm supported under her knees the other was wrapped around her shoulders. Carter also noticed her lack of fight, he exchanged a look of concern with Susan before he turned around and began to carry her towards and then through the doors.

Abby continued to cry in his arms. As she followed behind, Susan fought back her own silent tears of worry, guilt and the vision of her friend leaned up against her in pain and upset, not knowing how or why or what had caused her to feel this way.

_So you made it to the end! Hope you enjoyed it… Want it to stop? to carry on?...Let me know :) _


	2. Three hours later

_A/N: Thank you for all feedback for the last chapter! It was really encouraging to hear what you all thought. You all seemed to think that it was a good idea to carry on … so here's the next one! BTW I'm not a medic and so I have no medical knowledge, I'm trying not to bring medical stuff into the story if I can help it. However, if anything medical does appear in the story it's best to presume it inaccurate…Okies!_

_Disclaimer: Keep on making me say it…but I don't own ER or the characters _

Chapter 1: Three Hours Later

Susan watched through the blinds at the sleeping figure, still reeling from the night's events. They still didn't know what had happened, even though Susan had recalled the past three hours over and over in her mind for any indication of what had happened to her friend. She held onto her Polystyrene cup tightly, though the caffeinated liquid had long since gotten cold. Carter looked up at her from his seat beside Abby's bed, their gazes met, the concern she felt was reflected in his eyes. It was still a mystery to them what had happened to their friend but they had managed to take care of her tonight, tomorrow was going to be a different story.

….

Three hours earlier, Carter had rushed Abby straight into an empty exam room. Her body wracking sobs had ceased, but her body was still gripped by fearful shakes. A million questions had run through his mind, as to what could possibly have happened to her. Susan followed shortly having informed the ER that no-one except her and Carter was to enter the room under any circumstances. She knew Abby well enough to know that she would want maximum privacy and she ensured that by drawing the blinds closed from the numerous pairs of eyes that had charted their movements from inside the doors until they had reached the inside of the exam room.

"Abby, what happened?" Carter asked the question once more. She sat up on the edge of the gurney. She didn't answer the question and avoided the gazes of both Carter and Susan staring past them towards the door. Her eyes were wide, still glistening from the salty pools that spilled a stream across her cheek. "Abby?" he persisted gently. He touched her hand, hoping that the contact would provoke a reaction, any reaction other than the agonizing silence that had descended.

It was as if she had heard him for the first time, as her gaze flit between Carter and Susan. At this response Carter placed his hand on hers. She recoiled from his touch, scooting towards the head of the gurney. She tucked her knees towards her chest, resting her head on top of her muddied knees. She looked vulnerable curled up so tightly. It was as if she was trying to squeeze herself smaller, small enough so that she could disappear, disappear so that she could forget that tonight had ever happened or that it was continuing to happen now.

"Abby" he tried again to get her attention; he needed to find out something, or to check to see if she was okay. 'God' his mind kept focusing on all the blood, inwardly hoping that they would find that none of it belonged to her. He moved closer. She looked at him warily, in case she had to pounce away instantly. The trauma of the event had instigated her most feral instincts, but also caused her shame at letting him see her like this to arise. Her small bloodstained arms thrashed out wildly; however, the aggression behind her action was not quite able to be matched by her fatigued limbs. "Nothing…nothings wrong, I'm fine, I need to go. I've got to finish my shift…I've left…got hours left…" she cried as she began to fight Carter who was trying to keep her on the gurney.

"Go. Away!" She continued to flail, "I. Need. To. Go."

"Abby, Abby…shh, shh, it's okay" he reassured her, lifting her chin to meet her gaze. 'It's okay… you're safe here with me and Susan'

She began to calm down once more, regaining her curled up position and faraway stare.

Carter looked toward Susan, who stood numbly, visibly horrified by what she was seeing.

"Susan…Susan are you okay?"

Susan ignored his question; she had to concentrate on her friend right now. "She's in deep shock, have you started some fluids?"

"Yes of course…Susan?" He said pausing to carefully figure out how say his next words, "Do you think we need to sedate her?"

"Sedate her?" She had questioned his suggestion only on the premise that she knew Abby would hate to be sedated.

"Yes! Susan we need to check her out, she's covered in blood, and she's…I've never seen her like, like that" he hadn't realised that his voice had risen so loudly. He was frustrated that he couldn't help, that they didn't know anything, and angry because they didn't know why or how this had happened. The situation had caused unexplainable fury to boil within him and it needed an outlet before it fully exploded.

"I know that, Carter" She said gently, "Abby wouldn't want to be sedated, she's calm at the moment we'll try get her cleaned up, examine her if she'll let us and try and get her to tell us what has happened, if she gets distressed again we'll see…but I don't want to give her anything unless we have to"

"You're right" he replied "She wouldn't want that"

Susan moved across the room filling up a basin with water and getting a cloth. She handed it to Carter to hold whilst she approached the trembling figure before her, swallowing her own sporadic sob that stuck unexpectedly in her throat.

"Abby, I'm going to clean you up and get you into some clean scrubs, okay?" Susan received a compliant nod from the woman and she drew her knees away from her chest and let her heavy arms rest by her sides. Susan sat in front of her on the gurney and started with her hands. She held her tiny trembling hands in her own, wiping away the bloodstains whilst simultaneously checking for any injury. She reached her now clean wrists and saw the red patches of swelling, with matching purple marks mottling her skin, she softly examined this bruising. Abby reacted with a wince, a strangled yelp escaping from her throat.

"I'm sorry" Susan apologised, as she briefly exchanged a concerned look with Carter.

"I'm going to examine you now" Again, Abby nodded, Susan put a gown in front of her as she began to lift up her top, Abby's arms blocked the garment from travelling over her head, "Can you lift them?" Susan asked. Abby did so and her face grimaced in pain, a lonely tear escaping her scrunched up features. After some time, Susan had managed to clean up and examine Abby. She was so far away at times, Susan felt she was examining a rag doll, pulling up Abby's arms when it was too painful for her to do so, and getting her into clean scrubs. Only once was Abby pulled out of her daze, her agitation resumed when Susan suggested that she might need to use a rape kit. Abby had become combative once more, insisting that it wasn't necessary. As Susan checked her out there was no sign of thigh contusion, and because Abby was getting increasingly distressed, Susan agreed with her. This caused Carter let out the breath he'd been holding since the subject came up.

Silence descended upon the room as Susan finished checking Abby out. Apart from some wrist bruises, grazed knees, some obviously painful muscles and scratches there wasn't anything major wrong with her. Except that there was… something. Her glazed expression had returned and she clutched her knees once more. Susan sat on the gurney and tried once more to figure out what had happened to Abby before she had run into her almost two and a half hours ago.

"Abby, can you tell me what happened tonight?"

As Abby looked up, her dark hair fell from off of her face, she had regained a little colour to her cheeks but dark circles hung from her eyes and she still trembled slightly. Her frightened eyes bore into Susan's own. She could see Abby trying to form words, her mouth moved as she struggled to spit them out. Just as she thought Abby was going to tell her something she watched the brunette blink heavily, and then inhale sharply. Firstly, Susan thought that she was in pain but instead she felt tears begin to slide down her face as a weary whimper escaped from her lips.

"I can't Susan…I just can't, not now"

Deciding not to press the issue she looked towards Carter for reassurance, he nodded although his expression was one of worry.

"It's okay, we don't have to tonight" she reassured her. Susan found her arm encircling Abby's shoulder. Just like earlier, her resistance completely disappeared. She rubbed her back, as her friend leaned completely on her once more. Susan pulled her dark hair which had begun to stick to the watery trails on her face, out of the way tucked it behind her ears. They stayed this way, Susan whispering quiet reassurances in her ears for half an hour. Eventually she felt Abby's shakes and sobs subside as the waves of exhaustion finally took their toll.

Carter took over, lifting Abby's sleeping frame to let Susan jump down from the gurney.

"Thanks Carter" she said quietly.

Both watched Abby, she was at the most peaceful they had seen her all night. Both however, knew that the peace that her deep slumber seemed to bring, would not last when she was awake once more.

"What's going to happen now?" His anxiety elevated his whisper above its normal pitch.

"I don't know" She said shaking her head sadly. "We can only be here for Abby. She is the only one who can to tell us what happened, that's if she will" she sighed "I guess we wait here with her until she wakes up, but I've got to…"

"It's okay, I'll stay" Carter said immediately.

"Hey" he said lightly, he had joined her outside the exam room, those three hours had passed quickly and traumatically, now they both looked in through the blinds on their friend. Susan felt him place his hand on her shoulder as he spoke, "You okay?"

"I don't really have a right not to be" she replied, unable to retract her glance from her friend. She looked up at him, the same concern etched into his features that she had seen when he was with Abby.

"She's going to be okay, you know" he said. The look in his eyes almost fooled her into believing his optimism, but his tone betrayed him, instead conveying his own worry and fear.

"Look, its gone cold…" He took the coffee cup from her hand, "I'll go and make a fresh pot"

"I hope so, Carter" Susan said answering his earlier statement, the corners of his mouth crept up in a smile, but it didn't meet his dark, brown eyes. She smiled grimly in return before casting her gaze back towards her friend.

"Susan." She turned back to look at him once more as he spoke again, "…It's not your fault you know" He left her side and headed to the lounge to raid the coffee supplies. He was in need of caffeine, and Susan definitely looked like she needed a coffee, looking tired and haunted by the events of the evening.

'It's not your fault' His words reverberated incessantly in her thoughts. Why the hell did it feel like that then? She was the one who had doubted Abby. She was the one who reviewed all of those charts. She was the one who Abby was mad at as she stormed away from the admit desk and into the ambulance bay. She was the one who should have been more concerned when Abby didn't return, or answer her calls. She was the one who should have realised that something was amiss when Neela returned to the ER, informing her that Abby was nowhere to be found.

As the Chief of the ER wasn't she supposed to protect her staff from these situations? With a sigh, she realised that all she could do for her friend now was to follow her own advice, she had to be there to help Abby through the aftermath of this, but there was one worry that plagued her thoughts: would she let her?

Susan pushed open the door silently and then sitting on the chair that sat beside Abby's gurney. Tonight, she was staying here at her friend's side, anxiously waiting for what tomorrow would bring.

_Still want it to go on? Let me know. _


	3. Tomorrow Comes

_A/N: Sorry for the long time, no chapter but I think my muse has been on holiday…or something! Anyways here's the next chapter, so any feedback would be much appreciated, and thank you to __everybody who has reviewed so far. _

_Disclaimer: Definitely not mine…but I can dream…hehe _

Chapter 2: Tomorrow Comes.

Overwhelming tiredness and continual worry had lulled Susan into an uncomfortable state of half-sleep while she maintained her vigil at Abby's bedside. This restless half-sleep was however a relief from the endless scenarios that entered her mind ever since she had run into Abby hours earlier. Whatever had happened to Abby last night, if she ever found out, Susan would feel partly responsible. Not knowing what had happened amplified this feeling of responsibility, at worst, it injected a feeling of powerlessness – if it was her fault, how could she ever attempt to put it right?

She stirred slowly in the chair; an uncomfortable throb around the shoulders was a sufficient to bring her back to consciousness, the blue tinge outside showed daylight to be fast approaching as the dawn swept across Chicago. She brushed her blond hair from her tired features before automatically picking up the chart. Abby seemed stir little, sleeping peacefully and Susan felt suddenly angry that this peace would fade once she was awake. She resumed her checks, moving to the monitor and I.V lines.

* * *

Her eyes flickered open slowly, prickled by a burning fluorescence, and suddenly a muffled voice echoed in her ears. As she began to shake sleep from her senses, the voice began to tune in clearly.

"Abby…Abby?"

Susan. Susan…the realisation of her surroundings kicked in, she was at County on a gurney. The events of last night rushed back to her, causing her to intake a sharp breath…those terrifying events, her arrival at the hospital, being bundled out of a SUV was no longer a nightmarish illusion and this morning, the morning after the terrible night before hit with her with a blunt reality as forceful as a ten tonne truck.

She felt Susan's eyes on her as she sat up and avoided the other woman's gaze as long as possible.

"Abby…I…" Susan began.

"I want to go home." She said bluntly, cutting off Susan.

"But Abby…you need to stay here...you've been through…" Susan faltered when she realised she still didn't know what had happened and she attempted to look Abby in the eye once more.

"I'm fine"

"Fine?" Susan said in a more incredulous tone than she intended, "I was there last night Abby, you weren't fine then and you can't be 'fine' now" A flash of embarrassment turned Abby's stomach as she recalled her arrival at the hospital. She had to go, away from this place, from everything.

"I'm okay… and I'm going home" she had been taken from County – a place that she considered to be very safe. It no longer felt that way and she longed for the sanctuary of her apartment. She needed to carry on, to forget and ignore. Her eyes scrunched tightly as aches seared through her tired arm muscles and distracted from the prickle in her arm as she began to remove her own I.V.

* * *

Part of Susan was glad to see Abby's stubbornness resurface replacing the vacant look that had haunted her features. She watched in silence as Abby removed her lines and the attachments that connected to the nearby monitor. No amount of persuasion would convince Abby to stay at the hospital however much the doctor in Susan disapproved. As a close friend of Abby's she knew how insistent and stubborn she could be, however, she was still rattled by her demeanour last night knowing that the cause could only have been something immensely traumatic, yet the change in her this morning, from withdrawn to defensive was unnerving.…

* * *

Her focus was on getting out of County, to shut out everything that she didn't want to remember. She detached herself easily from the numerous lines. Still in her gown, her feet padded the cold floor as she bolted toward the lounge, pushing past Susan. She felt the scrutiny of the ER, their gazes burned into her back, they stopped to watch her movements. Despite Carter and Susan's best discretion, rumours were rife and bounced wildly around the halls.

It hurt to get dressed. Her final button entered its hole and she turned her attention to her hair. As she ran her fingers through, it felt straggly and had a thin crust from sweat and tears. Although clean, Abby could remember each of the spots where CJ's blood had stained her skin; tracing the patterns with her finger sent a shiver to her core.

The door of the lounge rattled, and then swung shut.

"Abby" Abby saw Susan's refection stand behind her own in the wall mirror. Her voice shook Abby out of her reverie, but she remained still.

"Abby….what happened to you, last night…you were, and something was wrong, very wrong. It's okay to talk to me, Carter, we all just want to help you." In the mirror Susan fixed her eyes upon Abby's.

Fear and shame had been persistent visitors since the previous night, but now, nothing surfaced except sheer fury.

"Yea Susan, its real fun being held at gun point inside an SUV" She said suddenly, the bitterness and volume of her words surprised even Abby. There was no going back now, she hadn't known whether she was going to tell Susan – or anybody what had happened. After all, the warnings from Loose and Lil' C were clear enough. At that moment, everything flashed before her again her fury evaporated and her composure crumbled to dust. Tears sprung from her shadowed eyes, sobs formed deep inside her soul found escape from her throat.

* * *

When Abby's fury had assaulted Susan's ears, it was the revelation that left her reeling. Abby had confirmed in not so many words one of the worst scenarios that Susan had imagined and feared. Her throat tightened and she felt slightly sick her ordeal, how could she ever have thought that Abby had just walked out on her shift.

After mouthing wordlessly in shock and comprehension, she found her voice again "Abby, it's okay now…you're safe…it's over" Susan wrapped her arms around the brunette, she was surprised that she didn't fight it but returned the gesture. She sat Abby down on the sofa, stroking her dark hair; she felt it still matted slightly under her fingers. The two women rocked in a gentle motion until Abby's sobs subsided and Susan had managed to hide the unshed tears hanging in her eyes. As she felt Abby quieten she broke their embrace and once more tried to get Abby to talk.

"Abby" She waited to see if Abby would meet her eyes. Susan took her hand, and Abby looked up her brown eyes framed by red.

"Can you tell me what happened? Please Abby – talk to me."

She was forced to recount her tale. The words dripped without expression from her lips. That night was still freshly branded into her mind, as she described the night to Susan, each image flashed before her eyes like a disturbing film in full Technicolor: abandoning her cigarette as the van pulled into the ambulance bay… those young boys barely out of childhood; the dark interior of the SUV; the shiny gun, in her face, poked in the small of her back, pressed into her temple; the red stream from the gunshot wound, coating everything with an orange tinge; stitching with needle and thread…her inevitably futile attempts at CPR; helplessly watching C.J as his life ebbed away despite the violence and threats that surrounded him, the glint of terror that replaced the menace as he faded away; the grassy clearing where she thought it was all going to end, until finally being bundled out of the dark vehicle, finding herself in the ambulance bay once more. The events were easy to describe for Abby, yet impossible to comprehend. Feelings were not so easy to decipher, Abby had faced a tornado of feeling that whirled within her, leaving terror and fear in its wake. She was torn between her fear and herself, her strong persona expressed itself in her defensiveness. It wrestled with the fear and trauma that wanted her to curl up and cry.

"Oh god…" Was all Susan could utter as Abby's tale sunk in and guilt rose from her stomach to her throat. She could only be there for her friend now, "Abby - " She began tentatively, "Maybe you should talk to someone…professional"

"No"

"Abby"

"Please Susan, let me go home" Her eyes were widened and pleading.

"But Abby - " Looking at her friend her exhausted and emotional state, with her feelings of responsibility weighing heavily on her shoulders Dr. Lewis won over Susan: Abby's friend, and decided that calling Psych might be in order.

"I'm leaving" She stated getting up suddenly and quickly getting her things. Susan saw Abby catch sight of the ambulance bay through the lounge window and her brave façade couldn't conceal a visible shudder.

"Abby don't - " Susan wasn't going to win this one, a stony determination had appeared on Abby's face.

"Abby"

"Yea?" As she pushed the door handle, she turned to look back.

* * *

The two women sat silently as Susan drove. Abby was edgy throughout the journey, her hands grasped each armrest tightly until her knuckles paled. Susan could see that she shut her eyes tightly along the bumpier routes and a sporadic tear would roll down her face. At Abby's building she sprung from the car gasping deep breaths of the outside air. Susan placed a hand on her back to steady her.

"You need help inside?" A red tint crept into her cheeks and her stomach turned. She hated being weak and dependant, however scared she felt.

"No. Neela's there"

"Okay" Susan said reluctantly, she didn't want to leave Abby now she had heard the full events of last night " – Abby, take some time…off work, and remember I'm here if you need…"

"Thanks" Abby seemed to mutter numbly. Everything was a reminder of last night, and she just wanted to forget.

* * *

She wondered whether she had done the right thing, Susan was so preoccupied that the pile of charts in front of herremained untouched. Susan knew that Abby would have left anyway even if she had tried to persuade her to stay. Knowing her friend, she usually needed alone time to work through her problems, but this… this wasn't just a problem; it was a whole lot more and was her fault.

"Susan?" Carter appeared in the doorway of the lounge. Sleep had given him a fresher look than Susan's tired complexion, but concern was clearly etched around his eyes, "I came in early to check on her, have you seen her this morning…how is she?"

Susan looked at him silently for a minute, "She…she, Carter, she told me what happened…" Susan only told him the basics in case Abby didn't want him to know. It pained Susan to relive these events for Carter, and she felt for Abby even more, as she told him his face expressed the shock at what had happened and his eyes betrayed an anger that it had happened to Abby.

"Is she still in the exam room?"

"No, she left"

"Left?" He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"She just wanted to go home. I drove her about an hour ago, to her apartment, she was getting upset again and was about to walk out any way"

* * *

Carter mulled this over with concern, and joined Susan in a pensive silence. Worry pervaded both their thoughts but Susan still felt the extra twinge of guilt. They were glad to have Abby safe and well and now her ordeal seemed to be over, however, both had seen Abby last night as a shadow of her normal self. Today they had found out that Abby's experience had been far worse than either of them had imagined. Neither Carter nor Susan could shake the perturbing prospect and the possibility that Abby's ordeal had only just begun.

_Still want it to continue ? Please let me know. _:)


	4. Four Days

_A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter! It's not quite a Carby yet, but plans are on the horizon! However, I can tell you that its not going to be an easy ride. If you like the story please review…comments are always an encouragement, and thanks if you've already taken the time :)_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing! sniffs_

_Title: A Friend Indeed._

Chapter 3: Four Days

Purple light poured through the pale curtain fabric; the brightness of dawn hung on the horizon as it chased away the ominous darkness of the night. Now that the room basked in soft twilight, Abby found that she was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

She had loved the darkness and the night. It was when eerie quiet descended on the busy city; cool air swept through the streets and faded light cast curious shadows everywhere. Her affection for the night-time had established itself in her chaotic childhood. If Maggie failed to turn up at home before dusk fell, she would stay awake to watch over her little brother – occasion became habit and after a while she found that she enjoyed this time of day. It became a time of some tranquillity amongst the turbulence she experienced, caused by her mother's alternating episodes of mania and despair. The little girl, whose brown eyes expressed a worldliness that shouldn't have graced the face of a child, chose darkness as a time to escape her pain; a time where her thoughts, fears and her emotions were safe to express in the shadows and easier to hide from the world and herself. Time changed the features of the little girl to awoman but her habits remained, although now, the comfort of darkness was accompanied by dark intoxicating liquor.

Over the last year night-time was when she would pore over the immense medical texts, absorbing the knowledge that had helped her to achieve her dreams of becoming a doctor. Fear and pessimism was no longer a prominent feature of her life. However, she would, in the peace of the night reflect on how far she had come.

The dark hours now, only provide a reminder of her recent nightmare, night-time was no longer a time of calm quiet, reflection and emotion. Now it was only time of blackness, a whirlpool of blankness and terror.

She fought her way out of the tangle of soft cotton to sit up on her pillows. She blinked slowly as the red neon came into focus 5:17am. An hour since she last looked, another hour of sleep lost. She sighed tiredly and fell back towards her pillows, now daylight approached, she had relaxed, and her eyelids began to close, heavy with fatigue.

* * *

Neela stumbled sleepily around the small living area. Early mornings were just one of the blights in the life of an overworked intern. As she cleared up some of the mess she had made, removing the bed-linen from the sofa, making a neater pile of the skyscraper of dirty pots in the kitchen. A glance at the clock told her it was time to leave.

After groping in the dim light for her bag and keys, she moved slowly towards the front door, her efforts to avoid the squeaky floorboard were unsuccessful. Neela briefly paused outside the door of Abby's bedroom. Neela had only seen her room-mate twice in four days since her kidnapping ordeal. Abby had come home from the hospital pale and quiet, soon afterwards she had withdrawn to her room, and at least while Neela was home, had stayed there. They had bumped into each other only twice, Abby had seemed numb, only answering Neela's concerned questions with monosyllabic replies. Last night she had heard her moving around the apartment restlessly.

Worry had preoccupied her thoughts, she had to see if she was okay and she knocked at the bedroom door.

* * *

A loud knock shook her out of her sleepy state, heartbeat racing; she jolted upright stiffly into a sitting position. In each hand she grasped a bundle of bed sheets tightly. The swift movement caused her to wince as a dull ache still throbbed at her wrists.

Noise floated through the door, "Abby"

"Abby, are you alrig…." The voice faded and suddenly, blackness had engulfed her once more. A terrifyingly familiar odour invaded her senses; she recognised it as eau de car interior: musty leather mingled with the greasy stench of fast-food and the scent of ferrous blood. The smell sickened her stomach, just as it had done the first time. Quickly, the blackness faded and bright shaft of torchlight shined directly into her face, hurting her eyes, but as soon as it appeared it was gone. Now all she could see was the whites of his eyes, open, the dark irises encircled wide, gaping pupils. He was dead. She knew that there was no hope for her now and fear of retribution engulfed her soul.

The image caused shock and pain to bubble inside her, she opened her mouth to scream, but her throat closed tightly and instead, a sob escaped.

"Abby" The vision disappeared leaving fear settled inside her stomach, but the voice grasped her attention again.

"Abby, I'm coming in"

Abby managed to find her voice, "No" and the doorknob ceased to rattle.

"Abby"

"No its okay, I'm fine"

"You sure?"

"Yes"

"Okay" Neela said doubtfully through the closed door. "I'm just leaving for work, I'm on at six…I should get off at six…i'll be straight back. Call if you need me."

Abby's thoughts still raced as Neela's voice reverberated through the door again.

"Abby"

"Yes" The tumult of emotions and her tiredness suppressed the eye roll for her.

"I'll see you later"

* * *

Short an intern, Susan had been covering the night shifts herself. The niggling guilt that she had felt since the night that Abby was attacked had manifested itself in a determination to do everything she possibly could. Exhausted as these extra shifts made her feel, at least they ousted the feelings of helplessness and guilt that she felt. The only thing she regretted was missing Chuck and Cosmo, but at least tonight had been relatively quiet. She had managed to camp out her last hour at the admit desk, passing minor cases to Ray and Morris, filling in and signing off on charts.

Pratt entered the security doors, "Morning Dr Lewis!" He exclaimed casting his gaze over his superior "Man…you look beat"

Susan shot him a look, "Thanks Dr. Pratt for your innovative diagnosis"

He strutted towards the admit desk, rubbing his hands together excitedly, "No problem…any good traumas on the graveyard" he said cockily.

"Well, Dr. Pratt…" She began sweetly, before thrusting a pile of charts into his hand "Foreign body in exam one, rash in curtain three, and projectile vomiting."

"Thanks…a lot" Pratt whined.

"No problem" She echoed the doctor, with a small smile. Although he was a talented physician, deflating Pratt's arrogance was a necessary safety measure, and was not without its entertainment value.

Susan sighed and looked at her watch, it was indeed 6am. She could go home – for a few hours at least. Tiredly she stood up and headed towards the lounge. She didn't see Carter heading towards her.

"Hey Sus…Ow"

"Sorry" She muttered brushing a blonde tuft out of her eyes.

"He's right, you know – you look exhausted, how long have you been doing the night shift for?" He asked.

"Since…"

"Oh" His brow fixed with realisation, "Do you know how she is?"

"No, I've called her apartment but I just get the machine…she hasn't called back…"

Carter followed Susan to the lounge, pushing the door open for her as it protested with a creak. A dark head emerged through the top of a lab coat, and the silver stethoscope was swung around the neck. She turned as the two entered, greeting them with a soft nod and an unsure smile.

"Morning Neela…How's Abby?" Susan cut straight to the chase, giving the young intern a searching look.

"I'm not sure…" She began tentatively "I haven't seen her for four days, partly because of my shifts. I don't think that she's sleeping I hear her walking around the apartment at night. This morning I knocked to see if she was okay and she reacted badly. I'm worried, but when I ask her she says that she's fine"

Susan's blue eyes grew wide with concern. She looked to Carter who wore a similar one on his face.

"Abby is stubborn like that" Carter added, "…she acts all strong, and she is… but only to a certain extent. We should keep an eye on her" he said in a concerned manner. "She wasn't the Abby, I know, when we found her in the ambulance bay…"

As he trailed Neela and Susan nodded in agreement, their eyes conveying their own wordless concern.

* * *

'One hundred and twelve…one hundred and thirteen…one hundred and eleven…dammit…one…two…three…'

Counting sheep didn't work. Right now, if she ever met the person who invented this useless cure for insomnia they would be subjected to some kind of unpleasant ER procedure, a rectal temp maybe?

Her heart thumped heavily inside her chest and she felt the blood rush through her body and her limbs. Every night since her kidnapping she had been unable to relax enough to let sleep envelope her senses. Every noise made her jump, a car door shutting, or loud engine noise provoked the images of them. Them wielding their metallic weapon, such a lethal plaything, not forgettingthe blood, "You've got to save him, bitch – or you go too" she kept recalling the haunting demands that still terrified her. Alternatively she would be numb, a blissfully thoughtless state that was equally sleepless.

The light that crept through gaps in the curtain showed that day had arrived. Abby was glad that the dark had passed but she expected to have to watch this cycle again, awaiting the orangey glow of evening into the purple twilight before night fell again, and she would still be awake.

Getting up off of her bed she ventured into the living room, flopping down on the sofa. Suddenly a loud noise filled the apartment causing Abby to jump about two feet in the air. Her heart pounded somewhere around her tonsils, a clammy sweat created a glistening film on her skin and left her to gasp for breath, much-needed oxygen had to fight for space occupied by numbness and fear. Coming to her senses she fumbled underneath the sofa cushions she was sat on, the T.V remote surrendered itself and she flicked off the offending noise.

Her head crashed backwards as the cushions moulded space for her. A sigh escaped her small form, her eyelids prickled despite the fact that they were heavy with tiredness. Unable to sleep or feel anything except fear, constant wakefulness caused days to blur into each other. She felt suspended in numbness. There was only one thing she knew that would guarantee a break from this constant fear. Send her into a comfortable oblivion and induce a much needed sleep. She had managed to avoid all thoughts of it for many months – but as she craved comfortable sleep, she began to crave this once more.

Venturing into the kitchen, for the first time in days, she hadn't thought about food all that much. Giving the mound of dirty crockery a brief glance, she headed towards her target. The small cupboard revealed its cargo of junk; Abby swept it all aside grabbing for a brown package at the back. She set upon her dining table taking a seat at the other end. She wanted to forget everything that had happened, leave the fear and the feelings behind, did she really want to walk back down a much trodden path. She always tried to be strong; she could fight this, couldn't she? She was a doctor now, she hadfulfilled her ambition – she hadn't been asscared as she once had been. It was thoughts like this that invaded her consciousness as she stared at thepackage satacross from her.

* * *

Instinct and a twinge of guilt had compelled her to visit and having arrived, Susan paused outside the door. Her finger swept over the buzzer until it hovered over the one labelled _A. Lockhart_. Abby would just respond like she had done to phone calls and ignore buzzes from downstairs. Through the glass she could see a man racing down the stairs. Susan moved just in time as he burst thorough the door. Susan caught the door before it shut again; with a brief glance behind her she entered the grey lobby of Abby's building.

* * *

The packaged screamed to be opened. She wanted the whirlwind of emotion to stop. She reached for the package; tearing the brown wrapping she felt the cool glass in her hands. She swirled the liquid around, its thick consistency mesmerised before she unscrewed the shiny lid. The pungent but familiar smell shot into her nose and hit her throat, she savoured the smell and got up to search for a glass.

A loud knock once again interrupted the quiet. Abby paused, looking at the bottle in her hand, her stomach flipped with guilt. She dropped it into the sink.

"Abby are you there?" She heard Susan's familiar tones speak through the door.

Casting one last wary glance at the sink, holding in a small breath she crossed the room and opened the door.

* * *

The green door opened a slightly, then fully as Abby answered it. Susan was met with yet another uncomfortable sight. Dark circles framed her eyes, their greyness emphasising her pale skin. Her dark hair was unwashed and lank.

"I called…" Susan began carefully looking over her friend as she stepped into the apartment.

"I know, I just, I just needed to be alone"

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine" she said quickly, too quickly. Susan arched her eyebrows suspiciously and Abby spotted it "Really Susan – I'm doing okay"

"We're all worried you know, everyone, especially Carter, Neela and I…"

Carter? crept to the front of Abby's mind. Why was he worried? She pushed it out of her mind as Susan carried on talking.

"…I didn't know what to think, when you didn't answer the phone…"

"Susan"

"What?"

"I'm fine" Abby lied and Susan didn't believe it for a second, but Abby sounded peeved. Grudgingly and against her better judgement, she let it go. "Just one thing though…" she brightened thinking that her friend wanted to talk "I'm working tomorrow"

"I don't think that's a good…"

"Susan. I'm going crazy here…" and it was the truth. Abby was in desperate need of a distraction, one that didn't involve the possibility of a return to alcoholism, even if it wasreturning toa place that made her considerably nervous. Susan pondered for a second, a niggling concern stared at her in the shape of her friends fatigued eyes, but if she was at County she could keep an eye on her.

"Okay, but you catch up on charts first…and, no traumas on the first day"

"Okay"

Satisfied for now, Susan made her way back to Abby's door. "I've got to catch up with my two favourite guys" she smiled weakly, as Abby's face remained expressionless, "See you."

Susan felt the door shut behind her, her worry unresolved. She had to be resolved by the fact that she would be able to keep an eye on her friend.

_Hope you enjoyed...Feedback is much appreciated!_


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